My authentic truth (and yours)

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Today I want to talk about something that has been weighing on my heart lately.

Authenticity. 

When I went off to university at the tender age of 18 I chose to study Archaeology, not particularly because I thought I would go on to become an Archaeologist but because I was so passionate about the subject.  Yes, it may have made more sense to study business or law (and many wanted me to) but I knew deep down that if I was going to devote 3 years of my life to something it needed to be a subject that would light me up inside. 

Sadly, when I went on to graduate I didn't maintain this level of self-authenticity.  I was thrown out into the world with no idea what I wanted to do but with plenty of opinions on what I should do and so I grabbed the first "proper" job that came along.  Over the years I continued to travel along the path I felt was expected of me, all the while feeling unfilled and like a failure.  My heart wasn't in the choices I was making - my work didn't light me up, I was unhappy with where I was living and anything I used to have an interest in fell to the wayside.  I wasn't living, I was existing

I struggled with a constant feeling of failure - I felt like everything I did somehow let somebody down, because I was living my life how I thought others wanted me to I was plagued with a fear of not meeting those expectations.  Not being good enough.  

In reality I was failing, in fact I was a big failure with a fat capital F.  I was failing in my one purpose on this planet - to be myself, the person I was created to be. 

Even now, I am still growing in this area and learning to let my true self be fully visible in this world.  Last week, Mr Lovely and I were chatting about my business, I was explaining how I feel that I am finally serving my purpose and how I feel like the work I am now putting out into the world is the work I am truly meant to be doing.  Yet, despite my obvious passion I confessed to him that sometimes I am afraid to fully, wholly commit to being authentic.

*gasp!*

I admitted that there are things I want to say here in this online space that I hold back from sharing - not because of what you, dear reader, will think but because someone I know offline - a friend or neighbour, an ex colleague, a family member might read it.  

Even as I write those words I want to hang my head in shame. 

The realisation is that whilst I am committed to being authentic in my business, I am not truly authentic in all other areas of my life.  I worry that people will judge me for throwing off the weight of their expectations and choosing to carve my own path.  Yes, some people might, they may not understand but there will many others who do and when I think of it that way it is a risk I am willing to take. 

Today, I commit to living my life fully and authentically.

To charge into the things my heart sings out for with every ounce of passion and determination I have.  I commit to turning away from the dreams I have been pursuing that aren't mine.  I commit to let people (in both my online and offline lives) see me for what I really am, myself.  The good bits and the messy bits.

Who's with me?

In what areas of your life could you be living more authentically?  Where are you hiding yourself?  What dreams have you buried and which goals are you pursuing that aren't really yours? 

Remember this - there is no one else on this earth like you, you are truly unique and you have a purpose.  By neglecting what we desire, we are not living up to our potential and cannot serve those who need what we have to offer.  Hiding our light from others does nothing to help anybody…

It is time to be true and start living the life we were intended for.  

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