Why you avoid going all in for your vision (Self-Sabotage Strand #1)

If I’ve learnt anything from my years of coaching and entrepreneurship, it’s that if we want to show up as the fullest expression of ourself (and we do or we wouldn’t be here), we have to be willing to undo some really deep-rooted shit.

Each of us has our own strand of self-sabotage. Oftentimes, we’re not even aware of how we get in our own way, because it’s so deeply ingrained. Thought patterns and behaviours we learned in order to protect ourselves - our defence mechanisms.

We have to be willing to unravel them.

We have to go there.

And most people won’t.

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12 months ago, I was feeling really frustrated in my business. I was spending all my time working on my business and yet I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted. I knew there needed to be a fundamental shift in the way I was showing up.

That’s when it hit me - I wasn’t actually showing up.

Sure, I was technically taking action every day but not on the things that really mattered. I was filling my schedule with tasks such as planning, creating systems and processes, getting organised etc. - but completely avoiding the income producing activities, the things that could actually move my business forward.

Welcome to one of my strands of self-sabotage. Avoidance.

There is comfort in avoidance.

Sometimes it’s a worthy comfort. There are things and situations that are in our best interest to avoid, but I’d argue it’s not really avoidance because we are making a conscious choice. We choose not to spend time with toxic people, we choose not to step into the traffic when we cross the road, we choose not to eat foods that we have an allergic reaction to.

The problem is that avoidance behaviours most often happen subconsciously. We’re not even aware of them, or if we are, we don’t usually understand why they are occurring.

That’s where I was in my business - I knew that I was avoiding what needed to be done but the question was why?

Here’s the truth: I was in avoidance mode because if I went all in, if I fully showed up, I wouldn’t have anything to fall back on. As long as I was avoiding the actions I knew were required of me, I could tell myself that the reason things weren’t working out, was because I hadn’t shown up.

If I did the actions I knew were required of me, and it didn’t work then that would mean I wasn’t capable, right?

So the fear of not being good enough, of failing, was keeping me stuck in avoidance mode.

Sound familiar?

I’ve had many conversations since that have shown I’m not alone in this.

And here’s an even bigger truth: It serves no-one to think and behave like this.

The good news is that once we become aware of our avoidance tendencies, we can choose to consciously shift them. I’m not promising it’s easy, it will require that you get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable for a while - but with every layer of self-sabotage we peel away, comes freedom.

Get to know your avoidance behaviours through a lens of curiosity. Ask yourself if you are willing to continue accepting them, or if you will choose to no longer subscribe to the stories that lead to avoidance patterns.

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You’re ok.

You’re safe.

You’re doing a fucking epic job.

Now, get to know your inner saboteur and release her.

Love + gratitude,

Gemma xo